I used to play
To smile at jokes that someone once made.
I had a dry sense of humour
And I had many friends in the people I met in my day-to-day.
But once my cap and gown were safely packed away
And the next step in life was heading my way
I soon had to face the harsh light of reality
As wages had to be earned,
Egos had to be tolerated
And agendas – both known and unknown –
Pushed me through the plasticine mould that it saw fit for me.
And while I worked away, thinking
With only my aspirations, goals and dreams in minds
My voice was shrinking
My chest was tightening
And time was running out.
But my goal was there
And I knew what I had to do,
Or so I thought
As the days grew longer
And I grew ever critical of the smallest mistake
That no one would notice but me
And maybe my boss.
But my goal was still there, though ever smaller and dragging me on,
As I travelled upstream, seeking that final respite.
I was called into the board room shortly after 12.
I could see the sincerity in their faces,
I was just finishing a project.
As surreal as it was, I just remember exhaling.
I was free to explore at last.
My work, my life I could have it all back
No more toxic environment and endless tasks.
I could breathe. And most importantly, with my head held high.
I was made redundant at the beginning of March and have since worked hard to regain everything that gave colour to my life. I am now fully employed again, in an environment that I can live in. I have my weekends back, I am learning so many new skills and have learnt so many life lessons. This empty time on my blog has been the most important of my life and I hope to rekindle my passion for my writing and my connection with the blogosphere.